Just saw this...

"The greatest source of misery and hatred in this world is clinging to past hurts."

Seen Here

Trust has vanished...

Tonight, as I sat on the couch... I realized that my ability to trust has been removed. It feels as though it has simply been cut right out of my brain. I can't open myself up to anybody new anymore... no matter what the situation may look like. I would like to, sure... but at this point, I can't. I don't know if I will be able to for some time, and that really worries me.

I don't know what to do about it. I want to blame, but I feel that I shouldn't, as it was my fault that I let myself trust in the first place. I want to switch off and just disappear at times (like now), but I feel that I should keep at least trying to find new people to bring into my life. I want to move forward like that so badly, yet this trust issue gets in the way. I can't, won't, and don't desire to go back ever again, as the trouble that comes there is something I am finished having in my life.

I did find peace recently when I disconnected while halfway around the world. The true human interaction grew for me, and this digital insanity, where anybody can be something their not (and too often, are something their not), became much less important. I may need to disconnect again, and see if that brings me any more peace.

Those who know me... if you need me, you should know how to get in touch with me. I'm not totally disconnecting, just pulling out of being available all the time. Those of you who don't know me... thanks for reading the blog!

more later...

Korea Photos, round 1

Changing of the guards at Gyeongbokgung Palace

Guard on watch at Gyeongbokgung

A group of English speaking (at least a little bit) kids I met while wandering around Gyeongbokgung. Very cool group, friendly and generally awesome

Another guard (much more serious than a flag) at Gyeongbokgung

A guard from a much more sensitive area, the DMZ, an hour north of Seoul

View from my hotel room at sunset in Seoul

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The End...

Well, it's the end of Lent today... that makes the the last of the official posts for this whole experiment. Last photo... last post... last day...

I've noticed, especially this week, that it's much easier to give something up than it is to start something new. I'm no more than a week into my latest "fast" (beef) and I'm not terribly worried about missing it. At the same time, though... this week I've managed to slip every single one of my days past without a workout. This troubles me a bit, but apparently not enough to motivate myself into the gym. Part of it is also me waiting for something, waiting to be able to swim as my next workout. Of course it goes that as soon as I get a pair of goggles to swim with, the clouds roll in and sit on the city for a week. This blog has also slipped by this week as well, and I apologize to all those who were consistently reading for that.

I feel as though I've managed to get through pretty well with "doing or not doing" -- we'll see how I can keep going with that in my life.

Beer returns to my life tomorrow. It will be interesting to see how I respond to the return of something like this.

Tomorrow, Easter in the Christian Calendar, is a new start, a new beginning, a new return, something -- really anything, new. Some things may change, some things won't, but in the end, it is really these new things that make the days different, that give us a reason to savor each one. Enjoy the new, whatever it may bring to you.

Thanks for reading everybody...

more later...

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4...

And then there were 4 days left. 4 more days with which I can work before life changes again, until the end of this experiment, this trial. It's been pretty good. I know I've been slacking a bit lately with the blogs. Of the "do, or do not" portion, I did not. I don't know if anything struck me as far as why, but at this point, reasons are too late to fix those days.

Now questions begin to rise in me, wondering if I did what I could during this forty day period. Wondering if I could have done more. Knowing that I could have, actually, but wondering why I didn't do more, I guess.

So far, I'm not really missing beef too much. I do look at it in the grocery store, and wonder why I decided to give THAT up for the month of April, but I know that it'll all work out in the end, and I'll likely grow because of it.

I'm already at work on my May challenge, and I think I may have found it -- removal of all things fried. Being a proper southerner, I do enjoy most anything fried. This does lead to a lot of extra fat and other nasty elements coming into my system, but it TASTES SOOO GOOD... :-p But yeah, that may just have to be my May challenge. My sister has given up fried foods for Lent, so I'll give her massive credit for helping to motivate me on that quest. If a better idea comes along, I'll definitely post it here... for now, though, I'm off to go finish up these next 4 days in as strong a way as I can...

MORE LATER!

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Buh-Bye Beef

So it's the end of one month, and the beginning of another...

Happy April Fool's Day everybody! I don't have any pranks or jokes to play just yet, but I may come up with something before the day is done, I've got a few hours left to make all that happen.

I've decided to continue my experiment in removing various things from my life, and I'm going to give up beef for April. I had some burgers tonight to enjoy before I pushed it all away for the next 30 days. This doesn't mean all cow related products (milk, cheese, etc...) just the meat that I have come to love so much. Part of me wants to do this for some of the healthy benefits that might come from eating a leaner kind of protein. The most significant reason, though, is to challenge myself to cook outside of beef, something I feel that I may rely on as a crutch when prepping food. I see much more chicken and fish in my future for the next month. I'm kind of excited, really, with new opportunities opening up with this.

I've found that it is things like this that challenge us to expand our boundaries, to see things in a slightly different way, and to learn to live our lives differently.

I've still got just over one week for my beer removal, and I'm feeling pretty good about all of that. The beef removal may even be tougher than removing beer from my diet, but we'll see. I plan to keep going on this blog with some regularity after I finish this 40 day trial, so keep checking in on that in the future.

For now, though, I'm going to go get some sleep, and worry about everything else tomorrow...

More later...

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Shooting Back

Shooting it has become a task to keep shooting photos after long days at work. I still find some pleasure in putting things up here for whoever to see, and I find some pleasure in the process of shooting photos. Especially when it's something quick like this. I can just do it, be spontaneous, and shoot something. I'll focus on it while I'm shooting, sure, but it takes very little prior planning. I still need to break out of my box that I'm living in right now, and shoot more before I get home to put up, and perhaps I'll work on that during the last week of this process.

I had a dream about beer last night... lots of it, if I remember correctly. Those of you following along from a while back will remember that I gave up beer for this time of the year, and so far, I'm succeeding. No beer in 37 days, since the beginning of all of this! I'll soon be passing my goal, and moving on to the end of next week. This dream was a strange thing to me, though, since I hadn't had any real point where I've missed beer since about the end of the first week. I even may have thought that in my dream... of course, as dreams are usually, this one's a bit fuzzy.

Elsewhere in my life, long days are done... rest can come soon... I'm not terribly tired tonight, though, like I thought I might be... I'm in much better shape tonight than I was yesterday, that's for sure.

I hope everybody out there is preparing for quite the weekend -- I'm not sure what I'm up to just yet, but it'll be nice, whatever it is...

More later...

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