Trust has vanished...

Tonight, as I sat on the couch... I realized that my ability to trust has been removed. It feels as though it has simply been cut right out of my brain. I can't open myself up to anybody new anymore... no matter what the situation may look like. I would like to, sure... but at this point, I can't. I don't know if I will be able to for some time, and that really worries me.

I don't know what to do about it. I want to blame, but I feel that I shouldn't, as it was my fault that I let myself trust in the first place. I want to switch off and just disappear at times (like now), but I feel that I should keep at least trying to find new people to bring into my life. I want to move forward like that so badly, yet this trust issue gets in the way. I can't, won't, and don't desire to go back ever again, as the trouble that comes there is something I am finished having in my life.

I did find peace recently when I disconnected while halfway around the world. The true human interaction grew for me, and this digital insanity, where anybody can be something their not (and too often, are something their not), became much less important. I may need to disconnect again, and see if that brings me any more peace.

Those who know me... if you need me, you should know how to get in touch with me. I'm not totally disconnecting, just pulling out of being available all the time. Those of you who don't know me... thanks for reading the blog!

more later...

Korea Photos, round 1

Changing of the guards at Gyeongbokgung Palace

Guard on watch at Gyeongbokgung

A group of English speaking (at least a little bit) kids I met while wandering around Gyeongbokgung. Very cool group, friendly and generally awesome

Another guard (much more serious than a flag) at Gyeongbokgung

A guard from a much more sensitive area, the DMZ, an hour north of Seoul

View from my hotel room at sunset in Seoul

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